"It is still the 'firsts' that hurt so badly. The first birthday, the first time I dared to go shopping alone, the first time a baby I knew was given the same name, the first baby boy to be born in our family, the first holiday, the first Christmas, the first time I held a baby. Although they grow less frequent, there will always be more painful 'firsts'"

Becci

Heather's Little Hand

About Footprints

support, advice and resources for bereaved parents and families

totnes baby loss support group (SANDS) Devon UK
tel: ++(0)7811 412271

Totnes Baby Loss Support Group has now been meeting monthly on a Thursday since March 2001. We meet at 7pm at Leatside Doctor's Surgery in Totnes, Devon, who provide the space for free. The meetings usually go on till 9.30-10pm depending on who is there and how it goes. The group is made up of and open to bereaved parents whose babies have died - stillbirth, during delivery or after and is open to anyone who has been through this experience at any time in their lives. It includes people at many stages of grieving, not just the newly bereaved. People have come who have lost their babies at 22 weeks of pregnancy and others at 9 months old, for some it has been 40 years and for others just a few days. There is no right time to come to the group. It is there whenever it is needed, whether it is for one meeting or regularly or occasionally.

The meetings are facilitated by Helen Bourne, who used to be a community midwife. She has not lost a baby herself, but has been present as a midwife at several stillbirths, including some in the group. She keeps an eye on the time and gently allows each person to have some space.

The group belongs to SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society). A national charity based in the UK which provide support for bereaved parents and encourage awareness and information about the loss of a baby.

The impetus to start the group came from Becci Eriksson, who lost her son Oskar at birth in June 1999.

We begin each meeting with a reading brought by someone to share and light a candle. Each person has some uninterrupted time to speak (or just to sit in silence) and we all spend a minute or two thinking of their baby. After this there is usually time to talk more generally or respond to things that have come up.

Every meeting is special and amazing. Although each story is different, there is a huge amount of understanding in the group. Hearing other people’s experience of the grieving process can help to make sense of what you are going through. People often speak beautifully about their babies and experiences and at times we laugh as well as cry. The informal meetings provide a space to remember our babies and share our stories and feelings in a safe, confidential and supportive environment that can help us cope the rest of the time.

The group has compiled an information pack, including advice, contacts and a reading list which is available free of charge.

We have a mobile telephone that we share amongst the group. For the date of the next meeting tel:07811 412271