Immediate Advice

Immediate Advice

Memories of this time will be valuable later

- This is your baby and you should feel able to do whatever you wish
i.e. you may want to
hold her/him,
cuddle her/him,
kiss her/him,
wash her/him,
dress her/him,
photograph her/him,
video her/him,
maybe take her/his body home before the funeral.
Don't be afraid to ask. Many people have done all these things.

- Try not to worry about what other people are feeling or thinking. This is YOUR time with YOUR baby.

- This time with your baby is precious, in which to make a lifetime of memories. You need to soak up as much as you can bear, as it will help you through the grieving process later. i.e. it will be better in the long run not to take sedatives, sleeping pills unless you feel you have to.

- Take time to make informed decisions and don't be afraid to ask questions. There is no hurry. People who love you may try to shelter you from painful decisions and situations. The early decisions are important ones and it may help you in your grieving process later by providing comforting memories of having done loving, caring acts for your baby.

- Keep any momentos- blankets, clothes that your baby wore, toys, hospital wristbands, scan pictures (these should be photocopied as they can fade) feet & hand prints, a lock of hair, etc...

- Offer your family/friends a chance to see and hold your baby. It can really help if other people remember him/her too.

- Take photos of you, your partner, siblings and other people holding or together with your baby. You cannot have too many photos.

- Try to accept that your partner's grief may be different from your own or may occur at different times.

- Ask someone to organise practical help for you for when you get home: cooking, cleaning, shopping, childcare, etc...

- Fathers - Remember this is your baby too. A part of you may want to be strong to support your partner, but contacting, feeling and expressing your own feelings is important too. Your partner will also want to experience your emotions and know that you feel too. Be aware that the need to be strong for others and keep things running can be a distraction from real and deeper needs.

- Breast Milk: Try to avoid pumping if you can. Things that can help alleviate swollen and hard breasts: frozen and crushed cabbage leaves, live yoghurt poultices (messy but effective), wearing a tight bra, allowing some milk to flow out in hot water. There are homeopathic remedies that can help. Don't hesitate to ask your midwife or doctor for advice.

- Letting people know what has happened
- ask somebody else to ring round close friends,
- place a remembrance announcement in the local paper with a verse or appropriate words, - even include a photograph if you wish
- send special announcement cards with a verse or appropriate words, include a photograph if you wish
- ask your midwife or birth class teacher to let others from your ante-natal class know what has happened.