Later 2

Later 2

What to expect

- Physical symptoms of grief: You may feel very tired for months. Other normal physical symptoms of grief can include; aches and pains, feeling cold, breathing difficulties or strange sensations in your chest, changes in appetite. Take care of your body, as you may have a low immunity

- When birth and death happen so closely together you will naturally feel shock and confusion. Try not to have high expectations of yourself; grieving and shock take enormous resources of energy. Try and plan your day simply.

- Don't expect that you will feel "all better" in a couple of days, weeks, months or even years. Healing is attained only after slow necessary progression through stages of grief and mourning. Take your time. Your upside-down world will slowly settle down, hopefully leaving you a more sensitive, compassionate person, better prepared to handle the hard times that everyone must deal with sooner or later. You have just experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a family and as you heal you will become aware of how strong you are.

- Know that there is a grieving process that you will HAVE to go through, in your own way, and although it can take a lifetime, it is better to start as soon as possible. Grieving isn't morbid, or a sign of weakness or mental instability. It is work that must be done. Now is the appropriate time. Allow yourself the time. Feel it, go with it. Try not to fight it too often. It will get easier. Expect that grief is variable, that some days are better than others. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

- Know that everything you feel is "normal" and has been felt by others in similar circumstances. You may feel fear, doubt, mistrust, vulnerability, anxiety. These are feelings that are a natural part of your grief. You are not going mad, even if it may feel like it.

- Don't be afraid that you will forget your baby or that you don't love him/her when you begin to feel better. You will always remember your precious baby because successful grieving carves a place in your heart where he or she will live forever. Remember your baby lived and had a life, however brief and you can treasure, honour and grieve your baby's life.

- When a baby dies, your dreams for and your vision of the future changes shockingly. It is hard to adjust to a new and different image of the future.

- You will probably find it difficult to be around parents and their new babies for a while. You may even feel resentful and jealous and in turn feel bad about this. This feeling will eventually go away. You are just being human. It is ok and perfectly normal.

- There won't always be answers. Even if you have an explanation for your baby's death and know what happened, it may not answer the question "Why did this happen?".

- In the midst of the most agonising time of your life, there will be laughter. Don't feel guilty. Laugh if you want to. Just as you must allow yourself the time to grieve, you must also allow yourself the time to laugh. Viewing laughter as part of the healing process, just as overwhelming sadness is now, will make the pain more bearable.